Ella está divina

I

—Siento que a veces exageras y eres como un niño que sólo quiere atención —dijo Emilia, al tiempo que me bajaba el cierre del pantalón y escarbaba entre mis bolas para dar con mi pene—. Lo tienes todo, gordo, no puedes ser tan descarado: carro, apartamento, eres ingeniero, tienes dinero por coñazo, un buen trabajo. En cambio otras nos partimos el culo puteando para tener al menos un cuarto de lo que tú tienes, llegando de madrugada, llenas de…

—¿Estás viendo, Emilia? A ella no la nombras. ¿No es que lo tengo todo, pues?

—Aquí vienes de nuevo… Está bien, Carlos, no es tan bonita como antes, no te la coges como antes, y no estás enamorado como antes; pero, coño, ¿no vienes y tiras conmigo cada vez que te da la gana?

—¿Y es que acaso eso es lo que yo quería que ocurriese? —respondí, mientras me amasaba las sienes y la miraba sin simpatía.

Realmente nunca fui un hombre de putas. Solía ir a batitubos al menos una vez al mes con mi mejor amigo, pero sólo cuando me encontraba soltero. No sé, me relajaba tomar un buen ron teniendo una buena hembra que me meneara a centímetros su sexo, arrojándome a la cara el olor a talco y perfume barato de bebé de sus nalgas y tetas. Pero nunca les acepté la invitación a un baile privado; menos a echarles un polvo. Luego, si estaba en alguna relación, suspendía estas salidas o tentaciones.

Hasta que Patricia me dejó sin opciones.

—Bueno, pero ocurrió y punto, carajo —respondió cortante, mientras se mantenía masturbándome y luchando por mantener con vida una pobre erección.

—Hoy no quiero tirar, Emilia. Tengo la cabeza llena de mierda, no estoy de humor para esto.

Es el mismo cuarto blanco y minimalista que suelo visitar al menos dos veces por semana, y que he mantenido como algo fijo en mi agenda por casi seis meses. Me lo recomendó un amigo que sí acostumbra a ser infiel a su mujer, sin la menor de las culpas. Siempre admiraré a ese tipo de personas, porque en mi caso, fue la culpa la que me convirtió en este cáncer andante que actualmente soy.

Ese día llegué con los lentes puestos y una gorra negra Nike que solía usar para ir al gimnasio. Las manos me temblaban cuando sacaba el dinero para pagar a la que estaba a cargo de todas las chicas. Escogí a Emilia, señalándola, apenas la vi por encima del filo de la montura dorada de mis lentes. Llevaba una minifalda negra que escondía menos de la mitad de sus blancos y gruesos muslos. Un delicado sostén morado, que hacía juego con sus tacones, era lo único que protegía a dos grandes pezones que parecían observarme a través de la fina costura. Cuando se presentó y me dio la mano, sentí cómo toda su cremosidad y olor a vainilla me arrastraban al cuarto donde me reencontraría con el buen sexo, ése que un día llegué a tener pero que ahora permanecía sepultado en algún lugar que ni yo podía identificar.

Emilia era una puta inteligente. Con calle, con vida dura. Eso me hizo clavar de cabeza en ese sitio, pasando a ser el cliente más regular e importante para ellas. Iba, teníamos sexo intenso, y luego terminaba usándola de testigo para mis lamentos, culpas y miseria. Siempre.

—¿Carlos, tú viniendo para acá y sin querer cogerme?

—Hoy he venido a que hablemos —le dije, encerrando sus suaves manos con el mismo olor de siempre entre las mías—. ¿Confías en mí, Emilia? Hablo en serio, antes de que salgas con alguna pendejada sobre las putas y lo calculadoras que son.

—Coño, ¿venimos intensos hoy? No sé…, puedes verlo así, Carlos: no confío ni siquiera en mi papá, pero reconozco que a ti te veo mejor que a él —dijo mientras sacaba un cigarrillo de la mesa de noche negra—. Eres el mejor cliente que tengo, siempre me das dinero aparte y traes regalos, eres un carajo que me llama para saber cómo estoy, cómo me despierto; esa mierda que ni mi propia mamá hace.

—¿Tomo eso como un sí?

—¿Un sí qué?

—Coño, que si confías en mí, Emilia.

—Diré que sí, gracias a ti mi vida es más agradable en esta mierda.

—Pudiese ser aún más agradable.

Aparté con suavidad la cabeza de Emilia que reposaba sobre mis piernas y me levanté de la cama. Del bolsillo del saco saqué dos pequeñas hojas dobladas. Emilia fumaba con ansiedad y me perseguía en cada movimiento que hacía. Con sus ojos todavía clavados en mí se giró y se sentó al filo de la cama. Seguía desnuda y parecía no reparar en ello.

—Quita esa cara de miedo, traigo son buenas noticias para ti —le dije, acariciando un par de veces su mejilla, finalizando el paseo por su fino cuello—. Quiero mejorar tu vida, Emilia.

—¿De qué coño estás hablando, Carlos?

—Lo que escuchaste. Pero como bien sabes, nada es gratis en la vida. Hoy haremos negocios, Emilia. Ambos saldremos beneficiados y nuestra vida mejorará.

—¿De cuál trato hablas? —preguntó inquieta, ahogando el cigarrillo en una taza de café que no llegué a probar.

—Te voy a dar 15.000 dólares, a cambio de que hagas algunas cosas.

—¡¿15.000 dólares?!

—Nada sexual, lamentablemente. A partir de mañana al mediodía tú y yo no volveremos a tener más comunicación. Si aceptas el trato, harás algunas cosas que te indicaré, luego tomarás el dinero y seguirás tu camino. ¿Te interesa?

Sabía que Emilia aceptaría. Adora el dinero. Y así como yo la adormezco con mis dramas, ella lo hace con los suyos y su frustración de no poder tener una vida más digna y decente.

—¿Cuáles son esas cosas que debo hacer? ¿Por qué tanto dinero? —preguntó, mientras la ansiedad comenzaba a apoderarse de ella. Sus ojos estaban aguados. Le agarré su cabeza con las dos manos y la invité a ponerse de pie. Miré fijamente sus ojos mientras le sonreía levemente.

—Son tareas sencillas, pero que solamente puede hacer alguien en quien confíe y pueda seguir luego su camino sin mantener contacto conmigo. ¿El dinero? Pues porque me da la gana de que ése sea el monto. Porque te considero mi amiga y sabes todas mis inmundicias. Porque lo vale. Confía en mí, mañana tendrás más detalles.

—No sé qué mierda tienes en mente, Carlos. Pero está bien, confío en ti.

La besé, mientras la tomaba por las nalgas por última vez. Luego deposité en su mano los dos trozos de papel. En uno estaba escrito el monto que le pagaría; en el otro, la hora y dirección en donde nos reuniríamos la mañana siguiente.

—Me voy, Emilia, tengo asuntos que atender. No llegues tarde mañana, ahí tienes todo especificado. Llama temprano para acá y di que estás enferma.

—Lo que digas, amor, así haré —dijo, quedándose desnuda en medio del cuarto, alternando su vista entre el papel con el monto y el papel con la dirección.

¿Que si confío en Emilia? Pues no, sinceramente.

Pero mis opciones son limitadas, y no pienso involucrar a alguien más cercano.

Hace unas semanas estuve elaborando una lista de los suicidios que más sentido guardan en mi cabeza; los que tendría las bolas de encarar. Por ejemplo, nunca encontré divertido las montañas rusas, esa sensación de caída libre es un castigo horrible para mí. Así que descarté de antemano lanzarme por el balcón del apartamento.

Volarme la cabeza con un certero disparo me parecía una despedida digna de toda la mierda que vivo, pero no tengo ningún arma. Pensé en parar a algún mal aspecto en la calle con pinta de malandro y plantearle hacer negocios, pero difícilmente confío en mis conocidos, como para venir a hacerlo con un pobre diablo y terminar traicionado y preso…, lo cual sería un giro muy triste a mi plan de fuga. También llegué a considerar ingerir un frasco de antidepresivos o rebanarme las venas. Descarté de inmediato ambas opciones porque me parecieron elecciones inmaduras, muy típicas de niñas adolescentes.

II

Alargo mi zancada. Otras veces la recorto. Todo depende de si debo alcanzarla o esperarla. Intento ser lo más discreto posible, si algo olfatea perfectamente una mujer es esta ansiedad tan patética.

Solía reconocer a cada anciano, cada perro, cada niño, cada ser humano que viniera religiosamente a este parque los domingos. Pero ella tiene apenas unos ocho meses viniendo a trotar, y desde que eso ocurrió no le presté más atención a esos rostros conocidos. Los fui olvidando, me fueron dando igual. De hecho, trotar ya dejó de ser un tema inherente a la salud para mí: ahora sólo representa una actividad para verla a ella.

Admiro su constancia, su independencia, su disfrute de la soledad. Mido su progreso, y logro percatarme de cuando se ve obligada a comprar una licra más ajustada. Pero por sobre todas las cosas, me intriga el hecho de descubrir cómo es ella, cómo suena su voz, cómo ríe, cómo llora, cómo hace el amor, cómo discute, cómo se arrecha y cómo se reconcilia. ¿Puede su personalidad equiparar el nivel de su físico? Mis estadísticas personales en este campo señalan que no, que cuando estás al frente de una mujer de este calibre poco puedes aspirar. Han tenido todo en la vida de manera muy fácil, y han estado cubiertas, desde tiempos escolares, por un halo continuo de ansiedad masculina que se cae a mordiscos por lograr tener algo con ellas. Esto les va consolidando una confianza y autoestima que, por lo general, se les va de las manos y las lleva a comportarse como unas perfectas pendejas e idiotas cuando llegan a la adultez.

Pero eso me toca averiguarlo. O corroborarlo. Y por eso estoy aquí dando mi vuelta número quince al parque, y más que ignorando la fatiga de mis piernas, me hallo luchando con mi neurosis, juzgando al Carlos tonto que a sus 35 años aún teme al rechazo de una mujer. Maldita sea. Ella está divina.

Me detengo y finjo estar estirando mis pantorrillas. Me repito que este domingo no será otro más empañado de reproches a mí mismo mientras dé vueltas en la cama. El contacto con el enemigo es inminente. Su cola de caballo se balancea escondida detrás de su rostro y lleva el conteo de los segundos. Dejo de fingir, estoy parado frente a ella, esperándola, bloqueando su paso por la caminería.

Y el colapso viene en 5…, 4…, 3…, 2…, 1…

—Disculpa, no llegues hasta el final del parque, acabo de ver a un tipo con actitud sospechosa cerca de los árboles —dije.

Sí. Esa fue la genialidad que se me ocurrió inventar.

—Coño, no me jodas, vale… ¿En serio? ¿Llamamos a la policía o qué?

Y quedé con cara de tonto.

Entré en sus ojos, regresé, recorrí sus labios, su nariz, su cabello, bajé al cuello y terminé penosamente en las tetas. Subo entonces la mirada al percatarme de estar hundiéndome en un incómodo silencio, encontrando sus ojos cuestionando a los míos.

—No. No creo que sea lo mejor. A veces entre ellos mismos se conocen y trabajan juntos, no confiaría ni de broma en ellos —respondí.

—¿Y entonces?

Su pelo castaño claro es alborotado por una brisa fresca de seis de la tarde. Los ojos son más verdes de lo que la distancia y el ritmo del trote me permitía percibir anteriormente. Sus labios son carnosos y el brillo que llevan encima les hace tener vida propia. Sus brazos son delgados y reflejan amor por el entrenamiento: un discreto tríceps se logra ver ahorita que está quitando la tapa de su termo de agua. La tengo muy cerca de mí como para detallar sus piernas. Un rápido vistazo que finge estar apartando unas piedras pequeñas de la acera se percata de lo lisas, hermosas y bien formadas que son. Ellas resplandecen, están cubiertas por completo con una fina película de sudor. Estoy ante la mujer más divina que he visto en mi aburrida vida.

Decido que al menos me llevaré la historia personal de cómo fracasé olímpicamente ante ella. Como sea, debo intentar hacer algo.

—Nada, podemos seguir trotando en esta mitad del parque…, o aceptas que te invite un café en el Vizcaya y nos escapamos del malandro.

—Umm, pensándolo bien, ya creo que fue suficiente trote por hoy. Te acepto el café —dijo, mientras sostenía arriba su pierna y estiraba el cuádriceps.

—Honor que me das. Me llamo Carlos, un placer.

¿En qué mierda pienso cuando estoy hablando con una mujer que me gusta? ¿”Honor que me das”? Patético, Carlos…

—Patricia. Un placer, igualmente.

III

—¿Te encuentras bien? Creo que siento en mis tetas tu corazón a punto de estallar.

—No hables —le dije al oído, mientras tiraba de su cabello con ambas manos y continuaba penetrándola desbocadamente.

Al entrar por primera vez a ese cuarto creí que sobre el colchón estaría ese lado mío que se encontraba extinto. No fue así. Todas las visitas de esas primeras semanas terminaban siendo para desahogarme, llorar e intentar lograr una conexión con Emilia. Mi pene estaba muerto, y mi cabeza no dejaba de reproducir imágenes de Patricia. La culpa me atormentaba y mantenía mi cuerpo desnudo sobre el de una prostituta, sin representar amenaza alguna, tan sólo restregándole un pene encogido y flácido.

Luego su rostro se me fue haciendo familiar. Su cuerpo también. Emilia ya conocía mis desgracias, mi oscuridad; y de repente, en una de esas tantas visitas, comencé a funcionar de nuevo en un cuerpo que no fuese el de mi esposa. Andaba desnudo, contándole sobre aquella vez en que Patricia y yo comimos un sushi barato en la feria del Millennium y en la noche moríamos de dolor de barriga y náuseas, los dos juntos abrazando la poceta, ahogados por cada vómito y las risas de burla por vernos vomitar. Inesperadamente sentí cómo algo despertaba y comenzaba a recostarse del vello púbico afeitado al ras de Emilia.

—Se nota que no te habías cogido a nadie que no fuese tu esposa en todos estos años —dijo mofándose, mientras dibujaba círculos con sus uñas en mi pecho—. Parecías un sádico con Parkinson, ja, ja, ja.

—Pendeja. Dudo que alguien con Parkinson te pueda coger como lo acabo de hacer —contesté sonriendo.

—¿Tú dices? Ja, ja, ja.

—¡El coño de tu madre, Emilia! —Clavé mi pulgar firmemente en su barriga, ubicando la parte baja de una de sus costillas y haciéndole pegar un alarido que se alternaba con una desesperada y angustiosa risa.

—¡Ya, ya, estaba jodiéndote! ¡Tiras rico y no tienes Parkinson! Pero reconoce que andabas asustado y tembloroso. El último cliente que tuve así de asustado tenía quince años y pagaba por su primer polvo.

—Coño, Emilia, estoy casado y ando en un supuesto spa de masajistas tirándome a una tipa como tú.

—¿Aún no te decides a tomar la decisión de separarte y ya, Carlos? —preguntó.

—No es tan fácil, Emilia, ya lo sabes bien.

IV

Docenas y docenas de mujeres desechables. Al comienzo intentaba llevar una lista personal en la que colocaba el mes y año, su nombre y apellido, y una pequeña descripción de cómo la conocí y qué tal resultó en la cama. Luego evolucioné al nivel de crear una carpeta privada en mi computadora y dejarlas conviviendo indefinidamente en subcarpetas que llevaban sus nombres. En su interior reposaban las fotos que lograba tomarme con cada una de ellas, o las que lograba robar de sus redes sociales; también un pequeño documento donde soltaba un par de párrafos inmortalizando la experiencia vivida.

Con intermitencia este festival de carne, diversión y libertad fue suspendido por varias relaciones serias que tuve. Igualmente a los pocos años fracasaban y me volvían a colocar en el carril del disfrute de toda mujer que se me atravesara en el camino.

Estar en una relación seria con una persona que te gusta, y además comparte ciertas cosas esenciales en común contigo, no está mal; sin embargo, si no te sientes del todo lleno, o sus cosas negativas comienzan a manifestarse con más frecuencia y superar las positivas, pierdes el tiempo. Eso sentía estando en esas relaciones, y en cada discusión o detección de sus demonios y rincones oscuros, comenzaba a extrañar y desear volver a mis andanzas y libertad. Estás jodidamente preso.

Ya sin ataduras y escapado de esas prisiones, agarraba cualquier mujer que demostrara algún interés en mí. Disfrutaba explorar diferentes tetas, culos, proporciones corporales, alientos, olores, formas de tirar. Pero luego de unos meses de diversión anhelaba conocer a alguien que reuniese finalmente el balance perfecto para mantener una relación estable en la que nunca tuviese que extrañar mis viejas andanzas o sentir que despilfarraba el tiempo. También echaba de menos un buen cortejo, el disfrutar del juego de seducción con alguien que representara un reto y demandara esfuerzo por conquistar.

Patricia reunió este balance, y era una extraña excepción a mi teoría de las mujeres hermosas. Lo ignoraba al estar tomándome el café con ella esa noche, pero no luego de cinco meses de amistad.

Al sexto mes le dije lo obvio, que me encantaba, que no había instante en que la escuchara hablar sin seguir la ruta de cada palabra expulsada de sus labios y recrear en mi cabeza estar besándola. Ella sonrió conmovida y me besó.

—Nunca existió tal malandro esa noche escondido en los matorrales, Pati —dije al finalizar nuestro primer gran beso, sonriendo con picardía y negando con la cabeza.

—¡Lo sabía, coño! ¡Qué hijo de puta! —gritó, pegándome en el brazo y riendo incrédula.

—Cálmate, loca, que sí existió la imperante necesidad de conocerte bajo cualquier concepto —aclaré, atajándole la mano que me seguía pegando—. Venías trotando hacia mí y se me nublaron los pensamientos, todas las excusas e ideas a las que podía apelar se esfumaron, literalmente. Ya bloqueándote el paso, y tú mirándome, mi creatividad y la paranoia que te incrusta esta ciudad solamente pudieron darme eso.

—Eres un mentiroso, Carlos… Pero me encantas —dijo, entrelazando sus manos con las mías y viniendo directamente por otro beso.

Mantuvimos la tradición de ir a trotar todos los domingos al mismo parque donde nos conocimos. Ir a él, cada final de semana, era reconquistarnos y volvernos a enamorar, sin haber dejado de estarlo. Ella canceló su membresía del gimnasio y se inscribió en donde yo entrenaba, de esta manera podíamos compartir más tiempo. Unas tres veces por semana, luego de salir del trabajo, la pasaba buscando por su casa y nos íbamos a entrenar juntos.

Lo hicimos durante los dos años que llevábamos de novios. Al término de ellos quise asegurarme de que Patricia fuese mi compañera por el resto de mi vida, y que supiera que estaba dispuesto a convertirla mi esposa. Ella no lo esperaba. Pensó que mi solemnidad era el preámbulo al desenlace de nuestra relación. Riendo, le expliqué que llevaba semanas suspendiendo mi discurso preparado por nervios y miedo a que ella no quisiera dar el paso y corriera despavorida.

Todos mis amigos, conocidos y familiares, quedaron con la mandíbula dislocada. Daban por hecho que yo moría soltero. Sabían que yo estaba feliz y más que entusiasmado con Patricia, pero conocían mi opinión sobre el matrimonio y todo el asunto de las ataduras. Admití públicamente que me había equivocado y que ésa era mi opinión antes de haber encontrado a una mujer como Patricia. Marcos, mi hermano mayor, sólo me dijo riendo: «Te lo dije, pendejo, ibas a rodar tarde o temprano. Era sólo cuestión de tiempo para verte caer. Bienvenido al club de los casados, hermano».

Remodelamos mi apartamento, nos encargamos de preparar nuestro espacio propio para aislarnos del caos. Y del país, y del mundo. Tan sólo queríamos estar juntos. Patricia estuvo a cargo de la elección del color de la pintura y los muebles. También compramos una pecera enorme que reposaba al lado de nuestra pequeña biblioteca. Investigamos y estudiamos previamente durante semanas cuáles peces nos gustaban y cómo era la convivencia entre ellos.

Sus padres y dos hermanos quedaban con un cuarto libre para guardar peroles: Patricia se les iba de casa a los 33 años. La hermosa niña había encontrado a su hombre perfecto, finalmente.

Y perfectos fueron nuestros tres primeros años de casados.

Inundamos de fotos y recuerdos nuestra vida. Cada día, sin importar la trivialidad del momento que compartiéramos juntos, era irrigado de risas y de un interés mutuo genuino, donde cada uno estaba en su totalidad para el otro en cada segundo que pasaba. Lo podía ver claramente en sus grandes ojos verdes.

V

Los zapatos de goma se encuentran en la misma esquina desde hace más de diez meses. En la misma posición. Una pesada lámina de polvo los cubre y asesina diariamente a sus recuerdos asociados. No quise volver a ponerme los míos. Fuimos a comprarlos juntos como regalo de navidad. Yo compré los de ella; ella los míos. Marcaban el mismo precio. Ella riendo, mientras mirábamos nuestro reflejo en el espejo, me dijo que era como que cada uno se estaba comprando su par de zapatos. «No es igual, Pati, tú vas a pagar los míos, los envolverás y ése es mi regalo; yo haré lo mismo con los tuyos», le indiqué fingiendo seriedad, intentando aguantar la risa al verla.

Y eso hicimos. El 25 de diciembre, al llegar de cenar con su familia, fuimos a la sala y nos dimos nuestros regalos. Actuamos con sorpresa al destapar las cajas. Luego bebimos vino y terminamos haciendo el amor en el sofá de la sala, con las luces del arbolito de navidad como única iluminación, y los reciclados adornos de éste masturbándose en grupo mientras nos veían tener sexo.

Los rodapié marrones que colocamos luego de pintar se encuentran a medio despegar. El color azul cielo de las paredes es ensombrecido por tenues manchas que se van superponiendo y que no logro quitar. O que me daba igual intentar quitar. La atmósfera cálida, de alegría y regocijo, ha desaparecido por completo. Es pesada, lúgubre, opaca y tétrica. El mueble de cuero negro se ha decolorado y sus cojines perdieron la forma inicial que traían de fábrica. Todos los peces se han pulverizado en la pecera. Un día los vi reposando muertos en ella, luego iban descomponiéndose y desapareciendo uno a uno. Todos fueron testigos de este declive y de la suspensión repentina de alimento. Nuestra ropa de ejercicio se encuentra en el clóset y despide un intenso olor a humedad que se cuela y se hace notar en el resto de la habitación.

Oigo el crujir del sofá y sé que Patricia acaba de levantarse. Intento concentrarme y rememorar momentos agradables para dejar de llorar. Logro dar con varios vividos con ella, pero son interrumpidos con lo que es ella ahora. Me lavo la cara e intento calmar mi respiración. El maldito sonido de Patricia arrastrándose agarraba intensidad lentamente y estaba en mi búsqueda.

—¿Estás ahí, Carlos? —Sus uñas arañaban la puerta mientras buscaban una respuesta.

—Sí, amor. Aquí ando, estaba dándome un baño. Recuéstate que ya salgo y preparo algo de cenar —dije.

Saco tres pastillas de diazepam del bolsillo de la pijama y las trituro delicadamente sobre la tapa de la poceta. Resguardo las decenas de trozos resultantes.

Patricia está tumbada en el sofá, mirando el techo sin pestañear, como tiene por costumbre desde hace tiempo.

—¿Estás lista para comer, amor?

—Ah…, sí.

—Perfecto, ya esto va estar listo. Si quieres ve sentándote en la mesa —dije. Accioné la licuadora para destrozar la lechosa que tomaríamos con nuestra ensalada de atún. Serví el jugo en una taza que le regalé un día de los enamorados. Enterré en el contenido espeso las múltiples migajas que prometían despegarla de la realidad por un rato.

Hora de dormir, cariño…

VI

Esta semana Patricia ha sido sometida a tres operaciones. Se encuentra sedada y nos presenta, involuntariamente, su nueva apariencia física, la cual te hace deslizar por un tobogán de asco y grima, escupiéndote al final de su recorrido en un charco de inmunda lástima, tristeza y compasión.

Entramos de dos en dos a la habitación, aún su estado no es estable. En la sala de espera nos miramos llorando, en medio de un inquebrantable silencio al que nadie estaba dispuesto a hacer frente.

La sólida plancha de acero atravesaba el parabrisas de su carro y dejaba reposar su peso en lo que quedaba de tablero. En ella, tachada en sangre, se podía todavía leer la palabra «Encava». La calle y el carro se encontraban cubiertos por una llovizna de cristales y sangre. Llegué al sitio lo más rápido que pude, luego de recibir la llamada, pero ya se habían llevado a Patricia. Cientos de personas colapsando las redes sociales, reportaban con fotos grotescas lo que había sucedido. Reporteras que elegían el fondo más apocalíptico, eran maquilladas mientras se mantenían a la espera del pase del estudio. Docenas de policías trotaban torpemente, desenrollando metros y metros de cinta amarilla en un desesperado intento por restringir el paso de ciudadanos y carros por toda la cuadra del siniestro. Bomberos y paramédicos seguían rescatando y prestando asistencia a todos los pasajeros que iban en el autobús. Pasé por debajo de la cinta y, entre los cuerpos de policías que comenzaron a detenerme, logré ver que el fino asiento de cuero color marrón fue usurpado por un gran torrente de sangre en el cual naufragaban incontables trozos de vidrio y componentes de plástico destrozados del vehículo. Todo era una pesadilla de sangre y destrucción.

—¡Coño, yo soy el esposo de la mujer que iba ahí, suélteme!

—¡Amigo, cálmese, por favor! —gritaba uno de los policías, tomándome por los brazos—. Se la llevaron ya los paramédicos…, ¡no vea esto, por favor!

—¿Pero qué mierda es lo que ha ocurrido? ¡Diga algo, por Dios!

—Ella está con vida. El chofer de la unidad por puesto venía bajo efectos del alcohol; al menos eso acaban de declarar esas tres personas que viajaban en ella y resultaron ilesas. El chofer se durmió y se saltó la isla, impactando de frente con el vehículo de su mujer. El hombre atravesó el parabrisas y se…

—¡Se llevaron el brazo aparte, yo vi como el bombero lo cargaba en la mano! —exclamó una señora que apareció repentinamente a nuestro lado, hablando por celular—. ¡No, el brazo lo encontró debajo del asiento!

—¡Señora, haga el favor de callarse! ¡Ramírez, sácame a esta mujer de acá y terminen de asegurar el perímetro, carajo! —ordenó.

El rostro gordo y grasiento del policía se fue desvaneciendo. El brazo esquelético que sostenía el celular también. Los gritos, las sirenas de las ambulancias, el cuchicheo y el llanto de la gente se fueron debilitando al unísono y gradualmente. Comencé a bailar y dar giros parsimoniosamente, en un enorme salón silencioso y de luz tenue que iba adentrándose en una agradable oscuridad. Podía sentir repentinos tropiezos de otras personas con las que compartía el recinto. En pocos segundos huyeron de las tinieblas y me dejaron solo girando.

Luego me desmayé.

VII

Patricia me da asco. Y por eso siento un enorme desprecio por mí mismo.

Los médicos aconsejaron a su familia que ella debía recibir terapia psicológica en cuanto fuese dada de alta. Me la ofrecieron también a mí y reflejé indignación. «Patricia va a contar con mi apoyo y amor de la misma manera en que siempre ha contado. Esto ha sido una tragedia, pero mi amor por ella no está sujeto a su apariencia física, como supongo el de ustedes tampoco», indiqué con algo de cólera a todos nuestros familiares y amigos en la sala de espera de la clínica.

Pero me había equivocado. O tan sólo dije lo que otros querían escuchar. O lo que, apartando mi dolor, me colocaba como el esposo ideal.

Patricia había quedado literalmente como una equis humana seccionada diagonalmente. Su brazo derecho había desaparecido casi por completo; su pierna izquierda se redujo a un ridículo muñón de unos veinte centímetros.

Verla durante los primeros días era todo un ejercicio de concentración para no estallar en llanto ante ella. A veces fracasaba en el intento. De inmediato le explicaba que me causaba ira que un maldito infeliz en una camioneta por puesto le hubiese causado ese daño.

—¿A pesar de esto todavía me amas, Carlos? —preguntó.

—¿Cómo se te ocurre dudarlo, amor? Me enamoré de ti por tu personalidad única, por lo maravillosa que eres, y eso nadie podrá destruirlo, nunca —dije, al tiempo que escondía su pelo detrás de su oreja para secarle las lágrimas.

Esto calmaba mucho su tristeza, ayudándola a mejorar su confianza y recuperar las ganas de vivir. Ella retransmitía todas mis palabras de aliento a su familia y amigos, por lo que no tardaron en colocarme en un altar y tomarme como digno ejemplo de lo que un verdadero hombre y ser humano debe reunir: sensibilidad, amor, valentía, optimismo.

¿Eso era realmente yo? Comencé a cuestionarlo.

Con el paso de los días las cosas fueron empeorando. Todo era un arduo trabajo de fingir y proyectar algo que yo no era ni sentía en lo absoluto. Estar en casa era extenuante, pesado y falso. No sé si era peor cuando estaba a solas con ella o cuando se llevaban a cabo las frecuentes reuniones familiares. Todas sus malditas caras de admiración y condescendencia, de asquerosa lástima debido a que yo era capaz de seguir al lado de Patricia como si nada hubiese ocurrido. Y cuando la miraban en silencio, detallando su nuevo cuerpo, sus golpeados y torpes tocones, podías leer con detalle el asco en sus ojos. Y era comprensible.

Pasé a ser una suerte de héroe nacional. La noticia del accidente conmocionó al país. Nuestra historia de amor, y cómo yo seguía a su lado amándola, les conmovió. Patricia se sintió preparada para dar algunas entrevistas en programas tontos de autoayuda y motivación. Su psicólogo nos indicó que esto aumentaba su autoconfianza y determinación. Videos nuestros y fotos con diferentes frases dichas por nosotros comenzaron a circular en las redes sociales.

La más viral fue una foto que capturaba a Patricia de pie, cuerpo completo, vistiendo una minifalda negra que cubría por completo el tocón. A su lado estaba yo, en una pose ordenada por el fotógrafo de la revista. Su muñón superior reposaba sobre mi hombro, el cual servía de soporte. Ella miraba a la cámara, con una sonrisa sincera. Yo le tomaba la única mano que tenía y, con los ojos cerrados, salía dándole un beso en la mejilla. En el pie de la imagen se leía:

«Dios a veces pone pruebas en nuestro camino, tan sólo para demostrarnos que estamos ante el amor de nuestra vida».

El país desbordaba una lástima enorme por Patricia. En mi caso, les despertaba una perversa admiración. Lo que les cautivaba de mí era, sencillamente, cómo podía actuar indiferente ante la realidad, cómo no agarraba mis maletas y me largaba escapando de Patricia y su repugnante apariencia.

Muchas veces me reconocían en la calle y se acercaban a saludar y preguntar por Patricia. Luego estrechaban mi mano y posaban para tomarse una foto conmigo.

«Dale un fortísimo abrazo a tu esposa, ella ni siquiera sabe quién soy, pero dile que la admiro muchísimo y es inspiración para Venezuela y el mundo entero».

«Eres afortunado de tener a una mujer tan luchadora y hermosa; y ella al tenerte, por supuesto».

«El amor lo puede todo, y ustedes son la prueba de ello. Y es que, Carlos, realmente no hay fuerza más poderosa, en mi opinión. Que Dios siga llenando de bendiciones la bella relación que tienen».

Malditos hipócritas. Malditos sean todos.

Todos me venían con pendejadas de Dios y patéticas frases. Yo a todo sonreía y asentía, sacando una mirada reflexiva y profunda que convencía de inmediato al imbécil que me las planteaba de que yo era testigo de toda esa dicha.

Y era testigo…, pero de cómo mi vida se había ido a la mierda.

Sencillamente dejé de creer en Dios después del accidente. No es posible que éste exista luego de lo ocurrido a alguien como Patricia. Y si existe, pues es alguien lo suficientemente cabrón y perverso como para estar viéndolo de buena manera y andar agradeciéndole. ¿Agradecer qué? ¿Que ha pulverizado mi felicidad y ha dejado a la mujer que amo con la mitad de sus extremidades? Pues que se vaya a la mierda y le agradezca otro imbécil.

No siento dicha por haber sido bendecido con el sonido que produce mi esposa al arrastrarse en el piso, cuando le da flojera amarrarse la prótesis en la noche o tomar las muletas y hacer el esfuerzo por ponerse de pie. Está compuesto por tres ruidos específicos: el de apertura, que es un manotazo que sirve como agarre al piso e indica la dirección objetivo; el de desarrollo, que no es más que su cuerpo chocando y serpenteando contra el piso hasta que logra alcanzar su mano con la barriga; y el de cierre, que es su pie dando un choque firme al piso para catapultar su cuerpo hacia donde la mano, o timón, señale para aterrizar y repetir el ciclo nuevamente. Y todo este sonido me causa gran ansiedad y me pone nervioso.

Era usual que Patricia sufriera dolores y se quejara de una extraña e intensa sensación de hormigueo en sus muñones. En ocasiones juraba que sentía tener las partes faltantes de sus extremidades. En su chequeo semanal se le diagnosticó estar sufriendo el síndrome del miembro fantasma. Le recetaron antidepresivos y calmantes.

Simular que todo está en orden en tu matrimonio implica también tener sexo.

La terapia avanzaba exitosamente y, en conjunto con mis palabras de aliento e impecables actuaciones, Patricia ya iba aceptando su nueva apariencia y dejando de sentir que me causaba algún rechazo. Así que, con la confianza ligeramente renovada, buscó una noche contacto físico antes de dormir. Me besaba de perfil y decidió girarse hacia la izquierda agarrando impulso con lo que quedaba de su pierna. La punta de este muñón marchito y rugoso frotaba mi muslo, no sé si buscando soporte para que Patricia se montara sobre mí o si más bien excitarme. No había marcha atrás. Decidí intentar tomar el control para evitar que se frustrara y la empujé suavemente de vuelta al colchón. Me quité el pantalón de la pijama y comencé a besarla, enfocándome en el acto. Ella me recostaba el tocón del brazo derecho en el dorsal, mientras que con la mano izquierda intentaba estimularme el pene. No era lo mismo. No sé si se debía a que Patricia era diestra y esta mano que le quedaba no resultaba de mucha utilidad por los momentos, o que podía sentir los muñones siendo una suerte de minúsculos garrotes que golpeaban mi cuerpo con desespero.

No funcioné esa noche. Alegué cansancio y miedo a que le pudiera hacer daño en sus heridas recién sanadas. Luego la abracé y le dije que quería intentarlo el  fin de semana siguiente.

Sabía que Patricia no iba a poder lidiar con otro episodio similar, los días posteriores a esa noche la pude ver pensativa y siempre mirando el techo con tristeza. Eso me preocupaba.

Antes de nuestro siguiente encuentro sexual le dije que me esperara cómoda en cama, que primero tomaría un baño. Puse la luz débil y me retiré. Llevé la laptop conmigo. Abrí múltiples fotos de Patricia en nuestros viajes a la playa. Proseguí con una carpeta oculta que alojaba fotos de ella en ropa interior, tomadas en nuestra noche de bodas. Cuánto daría por follar a esta Patricia de nuevo, pensé. Funcionaba el plan. Tomé una ducha rápida. Luego repasé todas las fotos abiertas y comencé a masturbarme ligeramente. Salí en toalla y tiré la laptop en el sofá. Entré al cuarto quitándome la toalla y abalanzándome sobre el cuerpo de Patricia. Nos besábamos con intensidad, sin embargo yo no confiaba en mí, y sin que se diera cuenta me encorvé y continué la estimulación, manteniéndome preparado para la penetración.

Esa noche descargué toda mi frustración con Patricia y la cogí hasta que me sangró el frenillo. Hice caso omiso a su llanto ahogado. El muñón de su pierna fue testigo y quedó sufriendo unos curiosos movimientos espasmódicos por el resto de la noche.

La técnica fue efectiva y decidí aplicarla en futuras oportunidades. Sin embargo, no era infalible. En ocasiones Patricia decidía tener sexo de imprevisto y me tomaba por sorpresa. En otras, había mucha iluminación y dificultaba la concentración, y la dualidad de “Patricias” chocaba en mi cabeza. Estaba enloqueciendo.

Empecé a querer estar con otra mujer. Esta idea me aterraba y no sabía cómo lidiar con ella, pero sabía que bajo ningún concepto le daría la espalda a Patricia. Decidí buscar a una mujer para tener sexo, para drenar así todas mis frustraciones y problemas en casa. Algo sin continuidad, algo que yo pudiese parar cuando deseara y no pusiese mi matrimonio en peligro.

Emilia debió haber sido así de fugaz como planeaba; sin embargo, cada mes mis visitas fueron más frecuentes. Y en medio de llantos, discusiones, frustraciones, depresiones, gateadas a una mano en el piso, muletas en una esquina, prótesis tirada a un lado de la cama, y horas de mirar el techo echada en el sofá, se nos fue esfumando la relación.

Seguí intentando contener el inminente derrumbe de lo nuestro, a pesar del triste escenario que ahora nos cubría. Es que me planteé algo imposible desde el inicio: seguir con nuestras vidas y hacer que el accidente de Patricia resultara algo imperceptible para ambos. Pero la magia se desvanecía paulatinamente y no había forma de evitarlo. Patricia sabía que nada era lo mismo ya. ¿Leía acaso mi incapacidad para ponerme en sus zapatos? ¿Percibía que me daba lástima y asco? ¿Veía en mis ojos cómo escarbaba e intentaba encontrar en los suyos a aquella Patricia antes del accidente?

—Es una etapa larga y dura, Carlos —dijo mi suegro sentado en el sofá, con los ojos apresando las lágrimas—; pero afortunadamente Patricia no está sola y cuenta con un gran hombre como tú. ¿Te imaginas qué sería de ella estando sin ti? Imagino que ya la habríamos perdido. —Se llevó las manos a la cara, asegurándose de que no lo viera quebrarse.

—Lo imagino, Gustavo. Y cuenten con que ella siempre me tendrá a su lado —dije. Lancé una mirada prudente al reloj para ver si todavía tenía chance de ir a visitar a Emilia. Desde hace unas semanas prefería visitarlos para que no fuesen a nuestra casa y descubrieran el abandono.

Sí, aún me daba tiempo de llegar al spa.

—Eres un ángel, Carlos. Nuestra hija fue afortunada al encontrarte en su vida —expresó mi suegra. Ella acariciaba la cara de Gustavo, en un intento por apaciguar su llanto.

Terminaba bañado en sudor con Emilia cada vez que quería evadir la realidad.

Pensé que aprendería a vivir con el sentimiento de culpabilidad que ya era parte de mi nueva vida, pero nunca pasó. Todo empeoró. La presión de nuestras familias, amigos, la sociedad, la tristeza de Patricia. Mi visión de la vida se había oscurecido por completo.

Años intentando ser la mejor versión de mí, juzgando la miseria humana de muchas personas, para caer en cuenta que siempre fui parte de ellos.

Atrapado. Esclavo de una maldita tortura introspectiva.

VIII

Dormí dos horas.

Las pesadillas regresan siempre que invierto mucho tiempo pensando en Patricia. Se reproduce en mi cabeza un collage de momentos capturados desde diferentes ángulos por cientos de videos subidos a la red por testigos y mirones del accidente. La gran plancha que solía cubrir el motor, y formaba parte del juego de la carrocería del autobús, era ahora una guillotina que limpiamente había rebanado el delgado brazo derecho de Patricia.

El intimidante parachoques azul escaló aparatosamente el capot del carro, y al final de su fugaz recorrido se enterró en el tablero, partiéndolo y hundiéndolo hasta clavarse en las piernas de Patricia. Un uniforme y constante grifo de sangre se había abierto y cubría la opaca superficie del volante y el tablero, colándose luego por los múltiples quiebres y desembocando en el asiento y la alfombra.

El chofer salió catapultado y había atravesado el parabrisas del autobús. Una de sus piernas se encontraba torcida y atascada en el volante. Sus brazos colgaban sobre el capot, y su cabeza, cubierta por una pasta roja que nacía de su cabello y se hacía cada vez más viva e imponente, era un lento surtidor de sangre que formaba un charco en el pavimento.

Seis de la mañana. Patricia todavía dormía. Unas cinco horas más de sueño le esperaban. Al menos tomando como referencia el promedio que saqué de las veces anteriores que la he sedado, buscando librarme de sus lamentos y verla reptando en el suelo.

Puse un poco de lavaplatos en un trapo húmedo y me dispuse a quitar la vieja cubierta de polvo de mis zapatos de goma. Hice lo mismo con los de Patricia. Vacié la pecera y limpié el vidrio que se hallaba cubierto en su totalidad por una extensa sábana de hongos.

Me preparé un café y me senté en el estropeado sofá. Miraba a mi alrededor y trataba de entender, de ordenar mis ideas. Comencé a llorar. Veía el espacio que algún día llegó a presenciar la evolución de nuestra historia, de nuestros geniales momentos. Y nos veía tomando café siendo amigos, contándonos cientos de anécdotas y descubriendo nuestras vidas; experimentando con recetas de libros de frágiles hojas amarillas que se negaban a dejar de ser útiles y que heredé de mi abuela paterna; conversando por horas recostados en el balcón, disparándonos señales que llevaban mensajes nerviosos que explicaban la existencia, en cada uno, de un interés adicional a la amistad; escuchando música, dándonos críticas sin malicia por algunos extraños gustos musicales, y hasta confesando los placeres culposos en el tema; viendo películas, y pausando la mayoría de las veces el desarrollo de ella para hacer el amor sobre el sofá.

Nos vi viviendo. Y ahora moríamos.

Campaneaba la taza de café, poniendo a bailar el residuo negro que quedaba en el fondo. Una vez más recriminaba a la vida, y me quedaba con el rencor de siempre atragantado. Un rencor que jamás desaparecerá…, una deuda incobrable que nunca podrá saldarse. Rencor hacia un Dios imaginario. O uno muy cruel y enfermo. Rencor hacia un maldito chofer ebrio de autobús que lamentablemente no quedó con vida, que me negó la oportunidad de yo quitársela con mis manos y poder hacer algo con este veneno que no he podido expulsar.

Preparé un morral. Comencé a hacer estiramientos de piernas. Desde que ocurrió el accidente no volví a trotar ni ir al gimnasio. Saqué la ropa de entrenamiento de la secadora y me vestí lentamente, disfrutando del placer de ponerme ropa limpia y tibia encima. Me puse los zapatos de goma y mi vieja gorra negra. Puse a cargar el celular de Patricia y lo dejé encendido, reposando en su mesa de noche. Le di un beso en la mejilla y contuve las ganas de llorar. Eché un último repaso a la casa, asegurando que luciera un poco más ordenada y limpia. Cerré la puerta y me fui.

Preparé el cronómetro del reloj poniéndolo en cero y me tomé unos segundos para disfrutar del ligero y frío aire que estaba disponible, extrañamente, a esa hora de la mañana en la entrada del edificio. Fui interrumpido por una vecina que saludaba y buscaba espacio para pasar con el coche de su bebé. Su saludo y tono, como ya era costumbre para mí, venían acompañados de la irritante mirada de compasión. No quise detenerme en ese pensamiento y bajé la mirada buscando al bebé. Ahí estaba, risueño, hermoso, fresco…, ajeno a la inmundicia humana… Y con sus cuatro extremidades moviéndose de forma alegre e inquieta, como si reprodujera una canción en su minúscula cabeza.

Activé el cronómetro y comencé a trotar. En ocasiones cerraba los ojos y me concentraba únicamente en sentir y disfrutar la brisa fresca chocar con el sudor de mi cara y brazos. Luego de treinta minutos llegué al parque. El que solía ser nuestro sitio preferido. Ése al que acudíamos una vez a la semana para volver a enamorarnos, sin dejar de haberlo estado. Me incorporé a la pista y continué mi ritmo de trote. Cincuenta minutos después le había dado unas once vueltas al parque.

Inconscientemente, volteé en ocasiones buscando a Patricia trotando, retrasada por su suave y delicado trote. Y en cada vuelta se alternaban la tristeza y una extraña tranquilidad.

El taxi contratado llegó a la hora acordada, y me hacía cambio de luces para anunciar su llegada. A los 25 minutos me dejó en la entrada del edificio. Emilia se encontraba sentada en la entrada, con una empanada de jamón y queso en una mano, y un jugo de naranja natural en la otra. Me saludó moviendo su cabeza al reconocerme a través de la ventana del copiloto.

—Tú sabes adónde se va toda esa bomba grasienta que te estas comiendo, ¿no? —pregunté mientras cerraba la puerta del copiloto.

—Por supuesto que sé —respondió con una traviesa sonrisa, al tiempo que se ponía de pie y apuntaba a sus tetas y nalgas—: aquí… y aquí.

—Sigue creyendo eso, pendeja —dije asintiendo y sonriendo a medias.

—Ay, sí, como estabas haciendo ejercicio vienes y me atacas. ¿Regresaste al entrenamiento?

—No. Sólo trotaba un rato. Recordando viejos tiempos, supongo.

Un ajustado leggins negro acentuaba y esculpía las grandes piernas de Emilia. Sus característicos tacones prestaban asistencia a las pantorrillas y las obligaban a estar en tensión y oponer resistencia a la tela elástica que las tapaba. Su pelo negro se tragaba el resplandor de luz que rebotaba en el viejo intercomunicador plateado del edificio; se hallaba liberado y completamente liso, cayendo como cascada a los lados, desembocando sobre sus tetas. La grasa de empanada avivaba la llama del rojo de sus labios y le regalaba algo de volumen adicional en los bordes.

—¿Estás lista para ganarte algo de dinero?

—Siempre lista —respondió, mientras procedía a quitarse con la servilleta los restos de grasa de la boca.

—Subamos entonces, cariño.

Un viejo ascensor, que desde hace décadas había cumplido su vida útil, rugía en las cavernas de nueve pisos y rompía el silencio y el interminable viaje de nosotros en su interior. Por primera vez yo no era aquel quinceañero tímido. Emilia intentaba sonreír al mirarme y su labio temblaba en un costado. Sus manos nerviosas apresaban las asas de su cartera. El miedo brotaba de sus ojos, y era una tortura para estos intentar sostener la mirada de los míos.

La sala del apartamento estaba casi vacía, como había acordado previamente por teléfono con el dueño, luego de depositar todo el monto correspondiente a seis meses de alquiler. Un sofá color crema le da la espalda a una gran persiana blanca y guarda armonía con las paredes que lucen un marrón claro.

—¿Qué ocurre, Carlos? Llevas sentado ahí cinco minutos sin decir una palabra.

—Espero.

—¿Esperas que?

—¿Alguna vez has amado a alguien, Emilia?

—¿Y esto a qué viene? ¿Qué pregunta es ésa?

—¿Lo has hecho? ¿Has sentido que harías cualquier cosa por alguien que amas?

—No creo, Carlos. Me conoces y sabes cómo pienso acerca de toda esta patraña del amor —respondió, al tiempo que se sentaba a mi lado—. El ser humano está incapacitado para vivir bajo el mismo techo por muchos años con una misma persona, progresivamente todo se extingue y la relación muere…, o ambos, por costumbre, por flojera, aceptan ese hecho y tácitamente acuerdan seguir con ella y hacer lo que les da la gana a espaldas del otro. Así ocurrió todas las veces que intenté vivir con mis antiguas parejas.

—Antes del accidente nada en mi vida con ella se había extinguido, Emilia, por el contrario, se ponía mejor y mejor.

—Entonces, posiblemente, tú sí encontraste a alguien que amabas. —Puso su brazo sobre mi espalda y encerró mi nuca en su mano.— Como te he dicho mil veces, todo lo que les ocurrió me entristece, porque conozco tu historia y lo mucho que afectó tu vida, Carlos…; pero por otro lado, pienso que tienes derecho a rehacerla, a no quedarte de por vida encadenado a ella, sometido por toda esta culpa y tristeza. Tienes que tomar una decisión.

—Supongo que tienes razón.

Decidí abrir la gran persiana y dejar pasar a la mañana.

—¿Sabes lo que pienso de tu apreciación del amor? —pregunté sin quitarle la vista a la ciudad, y sin esperar su respuesta tampoco—. Que el problema no radica en convivir bajo el mismo techo. Tampoco en esa costumbre lógica que llega cuando pocas cosas resultan novedosas entre los involucrados. Es más, no es un asunto puramente de relación de pareja: es un problema del individuo, Emilia. Es un maldito problema de empatía. Somos unos malditos animales egoístas e hipócritas; animales que alardeamos de ser piadosos, humanos, sensibles…: Y no somos un coño de la madre. Pero eso sí: juzgamos al resto de la humanidad por no ser como nosotros nos jactamos de ser. Y estoy cansado de eso, Emilia…

—Carlos, no me gusta oírte hablar así…, no llores, por favor.

—Estoy cansado, Emilia. Cansado de ser un miserable. Cansado de darme asco al verme todos los días en el espejo. Cansado de oír mi voz rebotando en mi cabeza, diciendo tan sólo estupideces que reafirman la miseria que llevo dentro y que ignoré todos estos años antes del accidente de mi esposa. Y hoy todo eso llega a su fin, Emilia.

Emilia lloraba también. Se acercó y quitaba mis lágrimas con sus manos. Me abrazó y secaba las suyas con el cuello de mi franela.

—Toma ese morral y sígueme, por favor —le ordené.

Al abrir la puerta del cuarto me puse a un lado y dejé que pasara Emilia. Le puse una mano en la espalda cuando intentó retroceder por el susto. Una colosal bestia de madera reposaba dormida en el medio de la habitación y mostraba sus impecables dientes de acero. El piso, el techo y las paredes, se encontraban forrados por extensas capas de bolsas de plástico.

—¿Qué mierda es esto? —preguntó.

—Mi libertad, Emilia —le dije y tapé con suavidad sus labios con mi mano—. Sin preguntas, sin explicaciones. —Le quité el morral de la mano y saqué el celular que acompañaba un fajo de billetes—. Emilia, este celular tiene sólo un número guardado: el de Marcos, mi hermano. Su oficina queda justamente a una cuadra de este edificio y a él es quien llamarás en pocos minutos. He dejado una copia del juego de las llaves en la recepción de su edificio, indícale que la chica con vitiligo las tiene. Luego de hacer la llamada harás lo que te diga y te largarás. Aquí está tu pago, quédate el morral.

—¿Y por qué debería llamar a Marcos?

—Porque no quiero morir —respondí sonriendo—. Al activar esta caladora industrial, mis piernas estarán colocadas justo aquí, Emilia. Oirás un fuerte ruido y verás la hoja de la sierra moverse aceleradamente. Luego tirarás de esta palanca y te alejarás: estas dos piezas de metal se desplazarán con fuerte presión por este canal y buscarán unirse de golpe, trayendo desde este extremo, a este otro, la  sierra que ves acá.

—¿Te has vuelto loco, Carlos? ¿Te estás escuchando, carajo?

—Ponte esta bata de plástico. También estos lentes y guantes —ordené, mientras ignoraba sus preguntas y le pasaba una bolsa.

—¿Qué te hace pensar que haré toda esta mierda? —preguntó.

—Necesitas el dinero, Emilia. Además, sabes que esto es lo que quiero. Por más que te niegues a verlo, sabes y entiendes que esto me sacará del infierno en el estoy metido.

—Pero es que no puedo…

—Silencio, Emilia. Póntela, por favor.

Emilia lloraba mientras se ponía encima la bata. Yo me quité el short y me quedé en interiores. Me senté en la gran mesa de madera que estaba forrada por una gruesa alfombra blanca de lana. Tomé mi celular y llamé a Patricia.

—Hola, Pati… Debes estar dormida…, y eso me alegra en este momento. Tan sólo quería decirte que…, que te amo, y que lamento todo esto…, todo en lo que nos convertimos. O en lo que me convertí. Esta llamada no es un final, Pati: es el comienzo. Es el regreso a aquella pareja que reía así fuese vomitando mientras abrazaba a la misma poceta. A esa pareja que vivía siendo una unidad. A esa pareja que se podía encontrar mutuamente en sus propios ojos. Tú no eres culpable de lo que te pasó, Pati; pero yo sí soy culpable de haber sido un cretino. Espero que puedas perdonarme. Cuando despiertes llama a Marcos, ya que algo me ha ocurrido. Por suerte, no se trata de ninguna tragedia…; al contrario, cosas buenas. Te amo como jamás he amado a alguien, Pati. Nos vemos pronto…, chao.

«Carlos, no puedo con todo esto… ¡No puedo hacerte esto!», dijo Emilia, mientras seguía llorando. Yo arrojé el celular, con delicadeza, desde la altura de la mesa, encestándolo en uno de mis zapatos. Me quité las medias y procedí a acostarme sobre la tabla, mientras calculaba con mi mano derecha la línea imaginaria objetivo de la hoja de la sierra.

—Sí puedes, Emilia. Y lo harás porque eres mi amiga. Toma el celular y llama a Marcos, es el momento de hacerlo. Indícale dónde estamos y que me encuentro gravemente herido. Dile también que se venga con un par de compañeros de trabajo y que traiga su carro. Puede pensar que es una treta para asaltarlo o sacarle dinero, así que dile que nos recuerdo jugando béisbol en el Parque del Este con papá y el abuelo, con ese bate y pelota de plástico color verde que no pesaba nada y que tanto odiábamos. Y que este miembro del club de casados necesita su ayuda ahora mismo.

Emilia no pudo controlar el llanto y la ansiedad y, en medio de palabras ahogadas que debía repetir, le explicó a Marcos todo lo que yo le había indicado.

—No tenemos mucho tiempo, Emilia. Al tirar de la palanca, en unos segundos el corte estará hecho, así que necesito que no entres en pánico por la sangre que verás y agarres ese extremo que guinda de la alfombra y me lo pongas aquí encima, luego tira de esta otra palanca y verás esta plancha bajar; móntala sobre mí, con eso harás una buena presión sobre las heridas que tendré. Luego de eso toma el morral y vete corriendo. ¿Está claro?

—Sí…, está claro…

—Vamos, puedes hacerlo —dije, mientras tomé de su mano por última vez para sentir su cremosidad de vainilla que tanto me encantaba—. Gracias por esto, eres una buena amiga.

Emilia seguía llorando y tenía una mano sobre el botón de encendido de la máquina, y la otra sobre la palanca que activaría el mecanismo que me amputaría súbitamente las piernas y me sacaría de mi prisión. La máquina ya chillaba y sus gritos se ahogaban en las bolsas de plásticos del cuarto. Miré el techo del cuarto y me concentré en controlar mi atropellada respiración, a la espera de un dolor que no podía ni quería imaginar. Emilia gritó, montándose encima del chillido de la bestia:

—¿Qué lograrás con esto, Carlos? —preguntó llorando.

—Lograré recuperar mi vida y mi matrimonio —dije sonriendo nerviosamente, regalándole un último guiño de ojo que le dio la confianza que necesitaba para terminar de tirar de la palanca.

Gabriel Núñez

250 Respuestas a “Ella está divina”

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